Salto Mortale – Leap into the Void
As I laid on my back facing the ceiling of the maloca, my legs whipped back and forth under my brown tweed blanket. Across the room, a friend, deep in their own journey, caught a glimpse of me — an upside down turtle stuck on its shell, desperately trying to gain its footing.
***
The pandemic and the unexpected death of a co-worker had caused a seismic shift in my perspective. The tragic and sudden loss was a wake-up call that life was too short to live miserably. I realized nothing would change unless I changed it myself. I set out on a journey to find what was missing in my life.
After months of writing music and meditating, a calling to sit in spiritual retreat in the jungle of Central America overtook me. I didn’t know why, but I knew I had to answer.
Sawubona – I See You
In the jungle, I found a place within myself I’d only touched briefly before through deep mediation — the place where the illusion of separation melts away, where the voice within is clear and cuts through the noise of day-to-day life. The place where the arbitrary walls I’d built to protect my egoic sense of self crumbled through my fingers like desert clay.
Ngikhona – I am Here
Through months of meditation, a new discipline set in. A discipline of connecting deeply with myself and with others, a discipline in which the ego would take a back seat and the art that was ready to travel through me would no longer play second fiddle. I would answer the call no matter where it took me and trust the intuitive guidance that had never let me down.
I got back to work - toiling in the studio for hours on end through the nights. Days turned into months and months turned into years as I dove deeper into the endless abyss. A meditation master’s words rang like a mantra:
The bad news is, you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute.
The good news is, there is no ground.
In that void I found voice and expression. I finally understood what Rumi meant when he said you are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean in a drop.
And, finally, I felt like I’d rocked off my shell, back onto my feet.
***